Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
