there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
