I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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