I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
did i just pee glitter
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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