I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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