i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
