He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
