$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
