I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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