Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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