His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
