My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
