i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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