Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize