Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
