I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
