I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
