No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
