How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
