opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize