thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
