just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
