super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize