Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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