Tell her she can't have a vagina
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
