youre lurking in front of me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm bleeding and have questions
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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