You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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