it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
