I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
