I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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