just come out here and I will go home with you...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
