plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
