We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
