the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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