Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
