it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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