Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
