It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
