I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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