I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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