The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
