Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
