I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
