The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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