I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
