any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
