i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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