Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
