You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
