Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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