Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
