The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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