we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
