The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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