Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
