You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
