I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
