Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This is my gift to your gina
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
