you turned your livingroom into a bong?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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