your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
