How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
