The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
