i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
