did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
