I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
