why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize