you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize