i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
