I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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