Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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