I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
