My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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