OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
