thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
worst night to have a conscience
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
