Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize