I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
