Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
