I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
