So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
