dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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