Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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