I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
