I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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