we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
