it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
