you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize