where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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