maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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