I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
