He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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