highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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