Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
