wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Even the bartender felt bad for me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
