I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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