Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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