I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
