You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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