she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
