that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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