In the future we'll all be gay
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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